A Brief Adult Attachment Style Questionnaire

 

Adult Attachment Style Questionnaire

short version

 

Instructions: When completing this questionnaire, please focus on one significant adult relationship. It does not necessarily need to be a romantic relationship, but must be the individual with whom you feel the most connection. Who is your primary “go to” person if you’re sick, in trouble, want to celebrate, call with news, etc.? When responding, consider how strongly you identify with each statement. Using the scale below, respond in the space provided.This is not meant to be a diagnostic tool, but a starting point for you to begin to explore your attachment style.

Disagree 0      Sometimes Agree 1     Mostly Agree 2    Strongly Agree 3

SECTION 1  

  1. I feel relaxed with my partner most of the time.
  2. I find it easy to flow between being close and connected with my partner to being on my own.
  3. If my partner and I hit a glitch, it is relatively easy for me to apologize, brainstorm a win-win solution, or repair the lack of attunement or disharmony.
  4. People are essentially good at heart.
  5. It is a priority to keep agreements with my partner.
  6. I attempt to discover and meet the needs of my partner whenever possible and I feel comfortable expressing my own needs.
  7. I actively protect my partner from others and from harm and attempt to maintain safety in our relationship.
  8. I look at my partner with kindness and caring and look forward to our time together.
  9. I am comfortable being affectionate with my partner.
  10. I can keep secrets, protect my partner’s privacy, and respect boundaries.

Total Section 1 = _________

SECTION 2

  1.  When my partner arrives home or approaches me, I feel inexplicably stressed – especially when he or she wants to connect.
  2. I find myself minimizing the importance of close relationships in my life.
  3. I insist on self-reliance; I have difficulty reaching out when I need help, and I do many of life’s tasks or my hobbies independently.
  4. I sometimes feel superior in not needing others and wish others were more self-sufficient.
  5. I feel like my partner is always there but would often prefer to have my own space unless I invite the connection.
  6. Sometimes I prefer casual sex instead of a committed relationship.
  7. I usually prefer relationships with things or animals instead of people.
  8. I often find eye contact uncomfortable and particularly difficult to maintain.
  9. It is easier for me to think things through than to express myself emotionally.
  10. When I lose a relationship, at first I might experience separation elation and then become depressed.

Total Section 2 = ________

 SECTION 3

  1. I am always yearning for something or someone that I feel I cannot have and rarely feeling satisfied.
  2. Sometimes, I over-function, over-adapt, over-accommodate others, or over-apologize for things I didn’t do, in an attempt to stabilize connection.
  3. Over-focusing on others, I tend to lose myself in relationships.
  4. It is difficult for me to say NO or to set realistic boundaries.
  5. I chronically second-guess myself and sometimes wish I had said something differently.
  6. When I give more than I get, I often resent this and harbor a grudge. It is often difficult to receive love from my partner when they express it.
  7. It is difficult for me to be alone. If alone, I feel stressed, abandoned, hurt and/or angry.
  8. At the same time as I feel a deep wish to be close with my partner, I also have a paralyzing fear of losing the relationship.
  9. I want to be close with my partner but feel angry at my partner at the same time. After anxiously awaiting my partner’s arrival, I end up picking fights.
  10. I often tend to “merge” or lose myself in my partner and feel what they feel, or want what they want.

Total Section 3 = _____________

 SECTION 4

  1. When I reach a certain level of intimacy with my partner, I sometimes experience inexplicable fear.
  2. When presented with problems, I often feel stumped and feel they are irresolvable.
  3. I have an exaggerated startle response when others approach me unexpectedly.
  4. My partner often comments or complains that I am controlling.
  5. I often expect the worst to happen in my relationship.
  6. Protection often feels out of reach. I struggle to feel safe with my partner.
  7. I have a hard time remembering and discussing the feelings related to my past attachment situations. I disconnect, dissociate, or get confused.
  8. Stuck in approach-avoidance patterns with my partner, I want closeness but am also afraid of the one I desire to be close with.
  9. My instinctive, active self-protective responses are often unavailable when possible danger is present – leaving me feeling immobilized, disconnected, or “gone”.
  10. Because I am easily confused or disoriented, especially when stressed, it is important for my partner to keep arrangements simple and clear.

Total Section 4 = _______

Scoring:

For each section, add up your responses and record your total number. The section with the highest number will likely correspond to your attachment pattern. You may find a single dominant style or a mix of styles.   Both are fine and can help you become more aware of your experiences and patterns in important relationships. In fact, we can also view our patterns as a continuum in each of the categories.

Section1: Secure Attachment

Section 2: Avoidant Dismissive

Section 3: Anxious/Ambivalent/Pre-Occupied

Section 4: Disorganized/Avoidant/Fearful

 

This questionnaire is not meant to be a definitive label or diagnosis. It is only intended to suggest tendencies. You may want to further explore or to seek guidance from a qualified professional. Adapted in part from Fraley, R. C., Waller, N. G. & Brennan, K. G. (2000). An item response theory analysis of self-report measures of adult attachment. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78, 350-365., and from Diane Poole Heller, Ph.D. Louisville, CO.