Consider setting an intention to use one or more of the principles

You may find it helpful to set an intention to use one or more of the principles.  Intentions are more powerful than you may realize.  Setting an intention simply means consciously inclining yourself to think or act in a certain manner.  Repeating a thought or behavior strengthens the neural circuitry in the brain that support it.  In ancient wisdom, the Buddha observed that, “What you think, you become.”  He meant that what you frequently think about will become the natural disposition of the mind.  He used this idea in his teachings about various personal practices.  Today, a mounting volume of research demonstrates measurable changes in the brain in response to repetition.  These ancient and contemporary ideas both point to the transformative power of intention, of consciously inclining the mind toward something and repeatedly noticing, thinking about or behaving in particular ways.

How intentions work

Setting an intention works because it primes the mind to be aware of opportunities and activities that support your objective.  Priming is a well known cognitive function.  If the mind and brain have recently responded to a stimulus, such as recognizing a particular color, word or vehicle, the recent processing has the effect of priming subsequent recognitions, meaning similar responses are faster and often more accurate.  This effect was well documented in the 1970s in experiments of semantic recall, in which subjects reacted more quickly in recognizing or using words that they had recently used or been exposed to.  For example, if a subject hears or uses the word, “apple,” reaction time is faster if the same subject encounters or uses the word apple again in the same experiment.  The priming effect also works with closely related words, indicating that the priming spreads to closely related cognitive categories and the neural circuits underlying them.  Extending our earlier example, a subject who has used or heard “apple,” will have a faster reaction time saying or using, “banana” or “fruit,” than “dog” or “pet.”  Since these earlier investigations, computational models and neuroimaging studies have provided evidence for various ways processing one piece of information activates circuitry in the brain that facilitates other related processing.  You can see this priming effect in everyday life experiences.  When you learn a new word, you suddenly notice it everywhere; when you hear about a film, you suddenly notice it talked about a lot; if you are experiencing a heartache, suddenly all of the songs you hear describe it.

So priming is a cognitive process that results from underlying neurological processes.  Priming makes things more salient.  It is an aspect of memory.

Setting intentions capitalizes on priming.  Intentions create a priming effect by alerting the mind and brain to be ready to receive information and behave in particular ways.  Setting intentions alerts you to opportunities and inclines you to pay attention to them.  Once you set an intention, you have enhanced the chance of your doing or experiencing something.  To maintain the priming effect, you have to remain aware of your intention; keeping it conscious and reminding yourself of it.

Creating intentions

Your intentions should be framed in a way that feels good to you.  You might say or write or even sing a phrase that captures what you want to attend to.  Here are a few examples: “I want to experience more genuine love.”  “I intend to scaffold development with greater awareness of the positive things my child does.” “May I notice three things each day that make me feel grateful.” or “I am going to be more playful and have fun with my kids instead of focusing on mundane chores.”

Many people are quite creative in ways they find to remind themselves of their intention and bring it to mind.  Common ideas are to stick post-it notes in meaningful places, like the bathroom mirror, or create pop-ups in on-line calendars.  Another strategy is to link the intention to something that occurs periodically throughout your day, for example recalling your intentions when you become aware of a bird singing, or of water running or a traffic light turning red or of noticing your favorite color.  These are versions of tying a string around your finger.  The string works, because noticing it reminds you of what you mean (intend) to do.

If you have an interesting way to remind yourself of your intention, please share it with other parents in the “Forum” section.

I hope you will use the Guiding Principles in whatever way is helpful to you.  If you decide to try using the principles, or to bring some of the ideas into your home, please don’t be disappointed or frustrated if you notice you have forgotten to use an idea, or think you have acted unskillfully.  Instead, I hope you will focus on when you do use them and feel happy when you use any part of them.  Each time you act or think with the open awareness and kindness underlying these ideas, a wave of healthy supportive emotions and chemicals cascade through you and some of this spurs a similar response in those you are with.